She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
