I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
