just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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