walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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