There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
