Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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