My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
