we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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