Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
