Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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