I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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