I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
