Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
