Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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