i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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