so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
