i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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