Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
