Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
