nut hugger
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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