I'm so fucking centered right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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