did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
