He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
