Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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