Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
