Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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