You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
