Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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