I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
