here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
