I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
