just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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