You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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