I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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