if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
