I puked a lego.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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