Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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