..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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