get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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