Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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