Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
