textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize