areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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