My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
