I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
