and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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