I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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