theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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