I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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