someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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