The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
