You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
