My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.