How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He better not be in your backpack
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
