1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
