how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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