I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
