Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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