what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
