smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
there is another microwave in the elevator.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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