when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
