My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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