Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
