Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
