Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
