His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
