he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
