this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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