I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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