I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
